Happy Birthday to You

Met you since I was 17, and you proposed to me only a year later. I was shocked at that moment. But then I knew you are the one. Because I used to feel that I don't belong anywhere, but only in you I found my comfort zone. I love that you secretly had a big giant heart, thoughtful and genuinely loved me. Because I know I wasn't easy to handle. I was sassy, stubborn, mean, selfish, chatty and childish. But you never gave up on me, not even once. We made it through 9years. Through thick and thin.

Bali, our very first honeymoon 2009

Buckingham Palace , 2013

I really want to grow old with you. I want to be together forever with you. But forever is gone. Unfortunately we can't last forever. No words can describe how much I'm missing you.

And now the fact that you're gone it just killing me to the core.

And today is your birthday. It is supposed to be your 33th birthday. I remember that I used to make you birthday cake from time to time.

 I just hope you are at peace now. There's nothing I can do but pray for the best for you. I hope Allah grants you with Jannah, because I know you had a great soul and you were the best husband I could ask for. You were certainly one of a kind. Until we meet again dearest husband, hopefully in a very better place.

Ramadhan without you

This is my very first ramadhan without my dearest husband. I wish he was still here with me. I miss him so much till it hurts. I can't explain the pain.

 It just doesn't feel right. It's gonna be a whole new different life from now on. But if somebody else can suffered the pain, maybe I can do it too. It's just about the time. Someday I will move on. But only God knows how and when. Tomorrow is another day. That the sun will go on shining. What I'm feeling is not only completely valid but necessary, because it makes me so much more human. And though I can't promise that I will get better anytime some. But it will, eventually. For now all I can do is take the time. Take all the time I need. You know what they said, time will heal. But here's my advice to all of my blog readers, If you have your loved ones around, please do appreciate them. Because life can change in a blink of eye, so love with all your heart. You may never have that chance anymore.

100 Days

Today marks 100 days since you passed away. I've lost you and it hurts. I lost you suddenly, unexpectedly. No farewell words were spoken. No time to say goodbye. You were gone before we know it and only God knows why. How I wished I had more days to see you one last time.

How you used to make my days brighter. 

Nothing feels right without you. Not a single day goes by without me missing you. I still cries my eyes out every single day. It still is really hard to let you go. Can't stop thinking of what we had and 
what we could have.

 I just never realize the true value of our moment until it becomes a memory. It makes me realize how life can change in a blink of eye. Eventhough it was a short meet, but it was my pleasure to know you these past 9years. You will never be forgotten. A hallowed place within my heart, that's where you will always stay. May you rest in peace dearest husband. My prayers always be with you.